A Love Supreme Pt.1: Father to Sun

"When you could have saved her, when you could have gone away with her, when you could have been thinking about her, you were thinking about yourself....."
~Revenge of the Sith Novel

It is in this blazing moment you realize that you finally understand the trap of the dark side, the final cruelty of the dark side, the way of the closed fist...

My self is now all I may ever have.

Welcome to Day 5. Total sleep time thus far: 32 hrs out of 120. Total food: 2 pieces of sea bass, mixed veggies and 5 damn wings, two gallons of vodka, countless redbulls, a couple of bottles of cranapple juice. The next mofo tells me this shit gets easier I will throw hot redbull in their eyes I swear to Black Jesus.

So let's talk about Day 5.....

This morning started with a typical drive to my suns school. During the drive my oldest boy CJ asked "Hey can we have another family game night?" I hemmed and dodged answering his question. But undeterred, like his father he asked again and this time more forcibly. "Dad, can we got to [classified]'s house." I looked at him and tried to remain strong. "No son, I don't think we're going to be doing that again." Almost instantly his eyes filled up with water. "Why not?" he asked, trying to be respectful but now deeply disturbed. I shifted in my seat slightly and said "We broke up." Now deeply disturbed and about to cry he said "Was it our fault for being bad that last time?" I said told him no and that me and Z ran into grown up complications and assured him that this had nothing to do with him or Devin and that she still loves them. I swear I felt like a friggin after school special. "When parents divorce" or something corny like that. I didnt even have coffee to help me through this malarky.

My sun began to cry now and said "She was a good step mom." He then laid against the window and let the tears fall.

It was all I could not to cry out, and by this time the conversation had garnered the attention of my younger sun, who was equally upset but no less emotional. He said "Dad, why don't you say you're sorry. You make me and Centrell say you're sorry. Or buy some candy? Or take her out?" You have to love the minds of a child and preteen because they can sum up simple truths far better than we as adults can.

I held my composure until I dropped them off. My oldest asked could he call her and say good bye and I told him no, as it wasn't the right time. He got out the car now in tears. What a way to start his day and my day five. Good job there Dr. Huxtable....not.

It's called connected. All the pieces matter and now, in another moment of clarity, albeit great sadness, I see my mistakes have affected them. Our beef has now spread to my suns. I saw the disappointment in Centrell's eyes as he realized that one of the few people who connected with him was gone and probably the result of some silly shit is dad did.

I cried the entire ride home. I feel like shit and so powerless. I didn't mean for it to end like this; I all wanted was the best.

And like Anakin, in wanting the best I forgot to consider the entire spectrum, the best because what was best for me.

Hindsight is so pointless. I hate these clear moments because they bring up a ton of pain. I'd rather have the tipsy moments where I don't see and don't remember.

And generally hindsight only serves as a reminder. Like a deck of cards I saw what was going on and just was unable to stop it.

Enough pontificating. This is bad. I can no longer listen to the radio nor eat. I'm officially in mourning.

I am officially reflecting.

As I cried my eyes out I come to realization I can't dodge this convo forever and my suns will come for answers and they will want a rationale. I can't hide behind the "father role" and I will have to answer them patiently and with love, esp if there is any doubt that they, and not my ineptness caused this problem. It's ironic that their first lesson in heartbreak is brought on by losing a woman they began to see as a step mother. Isn't it ironic that while mourning I have to teach them?

And how the fluck, snarky mofo readin this, can I teach them a skill I don't have?

I think of how my father would have handled this. Honestly, piss poorly. He would have poured salt all on my wound in a form of tough love. I remember my father and how he would respond. He would tell me in the most callous way "Terry, that woman ain't thinking bout you, while you crying she's moved on. Probably got a new man. Its time to stop mourning and go on."

I shiver at the notion of telling my suns something so crass and so untrue, even if it is true about her not thinking about me. I couldn't tell them to get over it and forget her, because well I cant do it. They need to mourn and I wont stop them. I will mourn with them.

And I am going to take my time and fuck whoever doesn't understand what this lost means to me.

I didn't even mourn this hard for you dear father. In fact I'd argue your training told me not to mourn.

That makes my chest hurt. Holding this in makes my chest hurt.

Guilt makes my chest hurt.
Failure makes my chest hurt.
Looking at CJ cry...made...my...chest...hurt.

I am so sorry Sun. All of you all. I am sorry.

I keep trying to pray to Jah but I think he's not listening. He wants me to lament. I just don't know. You proved you're point big guy, so uh can we undo all of this now? Thanks.

I wish I could do it over again, but I fear I can't. I fear the worse.

So, even in my tears I have to dry his tears. Unlike my father I'm going to allow CJ to cry with me.

My arrogance cost him someone who loved him too. I am sorry. I pray more than she, CJ cant forgive me.

Thinking of Devin makes me smile. "Just say you're sorry." In his world it makes it all better, but in my world its rarely heard. But for them I will try.

I am sorry.

Nobody can fathom the remorse in my heart right now. I have learned there are regrets in this life.....

truly......

Straight, No Chaser.
TLT
4-07-2009
9:45am

Blame It On the Rain: Self Reflections of TLT During the Storm OR A Blog Written by an Emotional Man Drinking Red Bull.

And Terrance is Perfect? ~[Classified]

I know where the deck of cards feel, I know exactly where I lost my confidence and lost my security.

I can pinpoint it at the exact moment and time, because I felt my stomach turn. My pride told me to gather my belongings and leave.

My heart told me to stay and be a G, to tap in the reserves, find some "inner g" somewhere and stay.

Luckily vodka provides such a fuel source. So I drunk more of it.

And it did nothing. Not a damn thing.

So I tried to talk, to be heard even if it was not the time and it made matters worse.

So I went home and cried about it. I laid in bed the next day thinking and finally was able to discuss it. I learned that I wasn't really liked and seen as "aggressive". I was even more hurt that my excitement was seen as a flaw. I tried to reason and see the point of view being offered because I've told my son that many times, that his excitement may not be shared.

So I listened. I understood. I updated the profile.

I thought it was tabled. I thought it was resolved.

It wasn't. While I dressed the wound I didn't have the skill to sew up such a wound and little did I know at the time the slightest stress would open it up and slow me down.

I didn't see that coming, but it come it did. And I realized I never got over that.

Up until that point, phase two had been nothing short of perfect. We were back on course. After that night, it went down hill fast. The record supports this.

I did not want to be seen as weak or stubborn or even selfish. I really am none of these things honestly. I am snarky, I am arrogant and I am a tad bit judgemental but selfish isn't a word often used in association with me. I digress. So in the effort to keep the peace, in an effort to stay the course I never addressed my wound. I never, without using hyperbole or spy talk, told her how sad I was.

I kept on drinking, and hiding.

And the wound kept on getting bigger and bigger.

Until little things started to annoy me.

Was facebook really that big of an issue?
Did we really have to text each other 40 times?
Could I really expect to know her in six months more than somebody with 22 years?
Couldn't I have easily created a trip for us?
Wasn't it all so simple?

In my moment of clarity, sans vodka, sans the Blackberry and facebook I see the problem. Shit I saw it then, but just didn't want to come across bad. I should have spoken up and told her at the moment of impact how I felt. I should have told her when my wound re-opened. I tried to shut up and toe the line in the interest of peace and that cost me a piece of my soul and a peace of mind.

She knew it. She asked me often. But I was scared to say "Yeah I'm hella salty. I need for you to hug me, tell me one more time that was for a greater good and screw my brains out". I never said that. I said everything but that. I talked around it, being intellectually coy instead of honest.

I wasn't a man about it. And when you lie to yourself it comes out. In emotion, drinking, insanity, some big negro on your porch in tears. All that. And we retreat into old habits even if they were detrimental. In my case, I became possessive. She ceased being [Classified] and became Black Heroin.

Just like I.Wil ceased being my friend and became my "agent" "the tip of my spear" "my tiger general"

Just like Nickjack ceased being my girl and became Yellow Rose.

Discern the pattern? When threaten or when I feel I am threatened I objectify. It makes it easier for my to second guess and do "what needs to be done" even if it doesn't need to be done. I was supposed to have evolved, grew and doing better. In fact I was doing better. But, damn gravity is ill and when backed against the wall...even if we back ourselves...Black Jesus help us all.

I wanted my heart to be heard but I didn't have the language to make it heard. That happens a lot to me, I can discuss the inner probability of Black politics and love but saying "Hey Queen, this made me uncomfortable" comes out all the way wrong.

And of course there is my issue with timing. I have the worst timing when it comes to matters of the heart. I guess I've been so ignored, my heart so broken I don't pay attention to the world around me. I don't want to be ignored any more by any more loved ones family or otherwise I am going to have my say.

I still struggle with that.

My peers, loved ones and associates think I am arrogant. They think I believe myself to be perfect and I am above reproach. I am so tired of that. I assure you there is no man on the planet who reflects more on the events of his life, wishing for a do over than me. I assure you there is nobody on the planet who broods and looks at himself in the mirror more than I. I am well aware of my flaws and my set backs. I had to rebuild at 30 and like a shitty sports team still rebuilding. I look at my credit score daily, I look at the flaws in my suns they got from me.

I think about all the love I've lost and burned. I've been thinking every moment for the past month and half about this love, how it was a match made in heaven and how it might all end.

Every day.
Seeking redemption
Every day
Proving I belong
Every day
Trying to silence the naysayers
Every..single...day.

Struggling, like an artist gone blind or a composer gone deaf, trying to tap that potential you know is there but yet...

still
fall short.

Struggling. How long have I been fighting the war with the magnet kids?

I am sorry. I don't want pity or sympathy. I only want over and understanding. That what I do I do out of love, for my suns, for the world I want to build.

To have a life that is meaning, and not only defined by service..

That was my quest. And for a moment even in the complications I found peace, or moments of peace. When I was honest to her and to myself.

When I was heard
When I listened
When I learned.

That is what I was trying to find. Peace and in that peace true Black Love.

Trying to break the dynamic of defining love via politics and war,
but definitely not trying to accept a post mod paradigm.

So I look at this deck of cards, and I listen to Jimmi Hendrix...Castles made of sand:

Down the street you can hear her scream you're a disgrace
As she slams the door in his drunken face
And now he stands outside
And all the neighbours start to gossip and drool
He cries oh, girl you must be mad,
What happened to the sweet love you and me had?
Against the door he leans and starts a scene,
And his tears fall and burn the garden green

And so castles made of sand fall in the sea, eventually

But then I switch to Stevie who said:

Over time, I've been building my castle of love
Just for two, though you never knew you were my reason
I've gone much too far for you now to say
That I've got to throw my castle away

And though you don't believe that they do
They do come true
For did my dreams
Come true when I looked at you
And maybe too, if you would believe
You too might be
Overjoyed, over loved, over me


Which is truth?

No I am not perfect. I try to find answers. I try to love.

No I find answers, I do love. Even if I don't succeed.

So, we've talked about me, openly and honestly. I've retrospected the storm.

And once again faced the man in the mirror and the test of the spirit.

I don't feel better though. 72hrs ago I had a kingdom.

Today..

fall from grace.

to be rebuilt

over again.

God I love haiku

Straight, No Chaser

TLT
4-6-2009
1:27pm

Document THIS: Notes from a Big Emotional Negro

You trying to help Ike?~Ike Turner

It was a rush judgment. I admit it. I should not have gone over there unannounced. I will say it again: I should not have gone over there unannounced, and definitely not sad and crying.

I should have left when she didn't answer after the first knock. Instead I sent a snarky text asking was she gonna leave me in the cold. So yes, big T messed up. I didn't think it through.

Well I did think it through. What I did do was forgot a rule: Big Negroes have to walk light.

I simply forgot. In my emotional haste to be heard, I forgot a major piece of advise my father gave me a couple of years back. The Late Emperor said to me:

"You're a big guy. You have to be careful how you move, speak, and act because a lot of times it may be misinterpreted."

He wasn't lying. I experienced that yesterday for the one person whom I truly love and adore; who actually thought I was going to harm her.

I see your face snarky mofo reading this. She thought I was going to harm her. Yes her. Not her. If she and I ever get into a fight that would have been par the course. No I am talking about her. The queen.

Right. I thought the same thing when I got that email. I figured she had gone insane or started smoking shit. Either way it was a perfect ending to the most fucked 72hrs since my dad had passed.

No, his passing was beyond my control. This is the most fucked up 72hrs. I've had. EVER.

In retrospect, I cant be mad. I did plant enough seeds for her to draw that conclusion, even if it was so off base it actually is funny. In the interest of honesty and full disclosure I shared with her my issues with depression; against the advice of loved ones I laid it all out in full. I simply forgot that the Black Community is not the most sympathetic to mental health "issues" and that by sharing that all I really do is run the risk of being labeled, and the first time I get truly angry, emotional, or throw a curve ball the whole "I don't know where your head is" speech will come up.

I also play pseudo spy enough were some folks actually think I have the true ability to manipulate, break in, poison, assassinate, ninja kick or otherwise do some spy shit. I would like for the record to state that I am NOT A SPY, nor have I been to the service or any intelligence gathering agency. I'm just a nerd who started reading that shit at the Fisk University library, developed a taste for it and made it a hobby. Spies generally look like this:



and not like this:
So I hope that answers now and forever my ability to "infiltrate" a person's personal space.

Of course the final component needed is always a seminar on domestic violence, which in this day and age has become a major problem in the Black community. I have seen many sisters go to these trainings, talk with other women about it and then immediately go to Def Con 1. It doesn't matter what your record is before that, or how much you love her, if she sits through one of these or holds one of these sessions you are a suspect for the next 90 days.

So let's put the formula together:

• Big Black Emotional Guy at 6'2 330 lbs respectively.
• Has mild depression and works to keep in control
• Domestic violence seminar.

Yup. I can see how she drew that conclusion. My showing up at her door seeking only to talk and hug her resulted in me now being seen as the son of OJ. It resulted in her now "documenting my behavior" and talking about how "I breached her security" and the standard "I don't know what you're capable of. Of course the transmission ended with the quintessential quip we tell all people we think are crazy "I hope you find what you're looking for". Man even typing that shit makes me chest hurt. By the way, I'll answer the question about what I am "looking for" later, in a blog.

Fucking amazing. It would be funny if I could stop crying long enough to laugh. I now see what my mentor meant when she said "we need to both get over ourselves" (that's another blog up next). This is what my mother means when she says "Discernment is key".

Excuse me snarky mofo reading this while I address my audience whom I know is reading this.

[Classified] I am really like wow. Are you serious? Breached your security? Like I am that one dude from that movie who did that one thing to his wife. Seriously? Me? Who wouldn't even touch you without your permission, use your bathroom without an OK nod? Me who you trusted with your sun and you with mine? Me who I shared my innermost thoughts with?

would

hurt

you?

You cant be serious.

But you are.

and that

hurts deeply.

If my memory serves me correctly that last time we where in each other's presence we ate breakfast, talked, giggled and hugged. I don't it remember being a scene from "What's love got to do with it"

In all of my history, I never hit a woman or harmed a woman even when they probably deserved it. Nicole put me out in the dead of winter and before I could get my property out of our house moved another man in to make eggs in my cookware. It wrecked me emotionally but outside of the typical angry negro rants and raves, I did not harm her or him.

You know this. We laughed at the story.

Even during Wei Yan's rebellion, even during all the crazy shit we did to each other never once did it get physical. *Points to Wei Yan who I know is reading* She DESERVES an ass whupping. But never have I or will I give her one.

And Baby mama, 12 years. Never one touched her. Never once harmed her.

Have you discerned the pattern yet?

Right. I'm an asshole. I'm snarky. I'm a big dude that's emotional. But I'm not a woman beater, stalker, ninja, CIA, or nut. Whoever advised you to take this course of action is truly missing the mark.

I was simply and always will be a man seeking peace and was trying to love his queen.

Mistakes made, meanings learned. Personality profile updated and adapted. Document that.

I think I'm going to work on losing weight, not only for health considerations but for image reasons. I think it would be good so if I get mad or emotional I wont have to worry bout folks thinking I'm the genetic splice of Ike Turner and OJ Simpson. If I don't even if I look like this:

I will always been seen as this:


And while I can expect that from white society and some segments of the Black Community when coming from my loved ones, esp one I still in the back of my mine hurts like hell.

Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-5-2009
11:26pm

Thank you

Goodness will guide me, when love is inside me ~Christopher Tracey

Thank you:

For bringing my swagger back
For AUSL
For loving my oldest Sun, he often gets over looked
For the credit advice
For showing me about Thai Food
For letting me play Wii
For lego Indiana Jones
For real socks and shoes
For a friendship
For one helluva drinking buddy
For rocking my chain
For being patient when I wasnt
For being cool when I wasnt
For the chance....a far, a far better thing I do than I've ever done.
For the laughter
For Jillia. He needs to complete his ninja training.
For the gentle kisses on the forehead when you thought I was sleeping
For encouragement on days snarky shareholdes killed me
For listening
For the chili
For saving Debo from many beatings
For being BFL
For being my Queen.


Until all are one...

Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-5-2009
12:52PM

A Memorial ..

By any Means Necessary~Malcolm X

*steps to the podium, respectable bows to Jah, my late father, my family, the BFL counsel, my friends, my frat, and to the throne.*

I have a memorial I wish to present.

To my loved ones:

Everything I've trained and studied for has been for this moment.

All my political theories, stratagems and strategies; beliefs, rules and regulations, listening and learning has been for the tasks set before me. Everything I am and will be is about to be tested.

This one, as the late Gorilla Moonson used to say, is for ALL the marbles.

This is my Northern Campaign. I will not return to Cheng Du until I reach Chang An.

This is my underground railroad journey; any one tries to stop me and they get shot. There is no going back.

This is the Wire Season 3. I am Avon Barksdale. I want my corners.

This is real life. I am Terrance. I will be successful. There is no other option.

It is now or never.

The tightness I feel in my chest is not depression, is not sadness, but determination. Determination not to fail. It is my determination to keep the peace at all costs, to acheive at all costs and to not fear. Perhaps this isnt healthy, perhaps it will wreck me but the alternative is to lose my peace. I wont lose that for anything. So before anybody asks me to stop let me emphatically tell you NO! In fact as my Soror Good N Plenty recently said "Please don't ask me how to quit......it's not a concept that I get anymore" I can hear the words and disapporval of one reader who is going to tell me that I am just a man and can only do so much. She is gonna beg me not to take all this one me, and I am going to say "No, one man can change the game. Why cant I?"

I realized as I laid in bed that this may be misinterperted for either obsession or insanity, probably both. I realize that in this day of easy buttons, non struggle, and non commitments that someone representing the old values of determination, manifest destiny and the will to overcome will be seen as, well insane. Well snarky mofo reading this it is exactly why are communities are in the current conditions, our institutions are inept and why Black love is generally a joke.

Black Love. The key to it all. They key to our insitutions, our community, ourselves because if you cant love that which is you then how can you love anything else. Yes, I've become consumed by resurrecting it, I've been consumed with destroying post moderism in Black love, consumed with killing off lions, tigers, and bears and showing that Aint no Mountain high enough. I'm consumed with showing that it can be done, that the Obamas are not an annomoly but rather a truth that has found its way back to the front. I am consumed with this because if Black men and Black women cant learn to truly love each other, truly have dedication, truly be down, truly try, truly fight then

our community

is doomed and those of us who

are conscious should commit seppuku

because the world that will be the community that will be is not one we will be able to live in or endure. I will lead by example and start with my own family. I ask if you have true Black love you join me.

I visited my dad this morning at his grave and I cried. I cried because I feel so out of place, I feel so weird, like that which I desire is so wrong. I feel aracic. I talked to him deeply and hard.

His response was simple as it was poignant. "Be a man, and do what you have to do".

What I have to do...and I stopped crying and smiled.

I have to make sure my sons develop in strong Black men.

I have to show them how to work together.

I have to get into somebody's classroom. No more side tasks or bullshit gigs. I am dedicating myself to education and rededicating myself to African American Studies. I won't leave her again.

I have to help my mother. Her religion strengthens and blinds her. It makes her weak. I promised my father I would protect her. I have failed in that task. I am sorry Lemar.

After last night I need to return to my frat. I left them as they left me. Now I will return to them so they can return to me.

I have to lead my brothers, esp Devin. He is so bright, but misguided. He is my Jiang Wei, my Boddie, my lil brother.

I have to make this work and you believe. The final component in a perfect build. It can be no simpler.

This is what I have to do

or

there is no or. Do or Do NOT. There is no try.

Yup, this one is for all the marbles.

In the Spirit of Struggle, Liberation and Victory!

Prime Minister,
Terrance L Thomas

Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-4-2009
9:50am

Can It All Be So Simple? Then Why Do Two Colored Folks Make it Hard?

Do or Do not, there is NO try ~Master Yoda

This is the simplest decision of your life.

You don't realize it, but it is.

Maybe the hardest to enact, its doubtful but I might concede that point.

The decision itself though cant get much simpler.

It doesn't require a lot of thought, worry or even debate. It does require work, but what in this life worth having doesn't?

No, this decision isn't about work. Its a whole lot easier than that. All you have to do is look into peer in the windows to the soul, observe how they interact together listen to your mind; allow your mental to paint a picture and show you glimpses of the future.

It's really that easy.

Its not about methodology. Malcolm X said it best: "Policies change, programs change, according to time. But objectives never change. You might change your method of achieving the objective, but the objective never changes ". We know what our objective is. The how isn't important as much as the why. Debating on the how only muddies the water. Perhaps we should just do.

It's really that easy.

Our styles of governance isn't an issue either. Every dynamic needs a solider and a gypsy. Every dynamic needs rules and a free spirit. Mr. President and the First lady have rules obviously, yet they both are free. Our personalities need not be in conflict, they can be in concert.

It's really that easy.

This is not some illusion. We didn't get here emotionally overnight, nor was it rushed. We both know it was marinated, cultivated and thought about. We both prayed for this moment a hundred times over. Now that we have the dream, let us live in it. No longer should we be afraid of it.

It's really that easy.

Its funny how I remember that line from The Empire Strikes Back. I remember as a little boy understanding that if we want something we either do or do not, we don't try. I didn't try to go to school, I just did. I didn't try to get up in the morning, I just did. Now as an adult if we translate this to love, relationships, even politics the same still holds true. We don't try to love our family, we just do. We don't try to get drunk, we just do, we don't try to make love we just do.

This is no different. We really aren't. Better isn't exactly different. The only difference is in your mind.

It's really that easy.

Do. Or Do Not. There is NO try

Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-2-2009
8:38PM

Lessons in Self Defense

War pours itself darkness...clouds perception..
By fighting at all, the Jedi lost ~Star Wars Revenge of Sith

One of my favorite books is "Revenge of the Sith", which unlike the movie goes into very specific details on why the Clone Wars were fought and ultimately how the Jedi lost. In the novel you learn that the "Clone Wars" itself was not a climatic action but rather a trap, designed to turn public support against the Jedi, force them into an unnatural position (an army as opposed to a peace keeping force), and lastly cause them to fight a war of aggression on their home turf. As the book so eloquently states by fighting at all the Jedi lost.

"By fighting at all the Jedi Lost". A simple sentence that summed up how the Jedi lost to the Sith, a lesson in that we all can learn. In more realistic terms Sun Tzu would call this fighting on dispersed ground. This means that one should never fight a war on his home turf, or allow the enemy to bring the fight to them. If a general fails to realize this truth, he could very well due to the stress of war, end up fighting his own populace, seeking out an enemy that really doesn't exist which results in lost of public support and ultimately a rebellion or worse.

As important a rule this is, it is easy to get caught up in a fight on dispersed ground. It generally starts as a "defensive" action against an aggressive enemy, or an attempt to put down a rebellion, or trying to stabilize a region. Yet, a leader can not forget that fighting on your home turf drains your resources, makes you paranoid and if the war is not handled correctly you will lose popular support. Once that happens you're gonna have serious problems, esp if your population ends up sympathetic to the opposing force.

When one applies this concept to the paradigm of a relationship, it suddenly makes even more sense. You nor your mate can allow anyone to come into your dynamic or the space of your dynamic and impose their will. They should not be able to lure you out of the safely of your circle to engage them, because if the engagement is not handled perfectly you will end up doing more damage than good. Trust me the one thing you don't is your mate or your relationship support group accuse you (like you're a low level Bush) of waging a war for nefarious reasons. It makes building hard. Trust me.

It took me a minute to figure this out, but after reading a memo from my Queen regarding the handling of Wei Yan's rebellion, I realize that a policy of aggressive confrontation is not and has not been the best one. My populace doesn't want a war, it is not worried about the saber rattling outside the gates, and is quite annoyed the Prime Minister is wasting resources trying to subdue a rebellion that will never be quelled. As crazy as it seems, as much as its against my nature, I think she and the BFL counsel were correct and the best course of action was non action. Lesson learned, personality profile updated and adapted.

When I thought about it on today's morning drive, I see now that by engaging the problem in the manner I did only validated something that wasn't even worth my time. More importantly because I have at times ineptly handled this problem it only made ME look bad. There are more important things that require my attention like oh the Basic Skills Test, My suns, and my union. Anything else really is bullshit.

The late Sima Yi figured this out while facing Zhuge Liang during the fifth northern campaign. Understanding that Zhuge Liang could probably beat him face to face, he simply ignored the problem, let them exhaust their morale and supplies and worked on his defenses.

He was right. Zhuge Liang died of stress. Sima Yi laid a foundation for his family's dynasty.

Everybody who knows me know I LOVE Zhuge Liang, that mofo is an icon to me, but in this regard I am going to follow Sima Yi.

Sun Tzu writes "In dispersed ground do not battle" as the FIRST rule of the nine grounds. I see why not. Failing to head that leads to critical ground and ultimately dying ground.

And when you reach dying ground you have problems...

*raises fan* Withdraw, close the gates and do not engage the enemy.

Now...I gotta test to study for..

Straight, No Chaser.

TLT

4-1-09
9:45am