731 Days to Mission Accomplished

“Olympic Torch Flaming Burns so sweet; the thrill of victory, the agony of defeat”

~U-God “Triumph" from the album "Wu Tang Forever" 1999

Two years. That’s how long it has taken me to get to this point. Two years. Do we realize what happened in two years? How much time is that in the world? Shit two years ago Obama wasnt even being taken serious enough to be a long shot for the Presidency. He was laughed at. Now he’s the President-Elect. Two years ago gas prices had just hit 3 dollars, now its back down to just under 2. Two years ago, Black Studies was alive at Olive Harvey, now it’s a faint memory.

Of course this blog isn’t a retrospective of history, but rather to show how much life has evolved in two years. So imagine, in spite of all that has happened in those two years, to dedicate oneself, either actively or passively to such a goal. Image you are always thinking of obtaining that which you crave for; (even while you engage in other ideas or actions on a daily basis.

Now imagine if you will finally being in striking distance of that goal. Imagine having a chance to touch and hold what you prayed for. What would you do to be successful?

This is the question I am wrestling with now, trying to find a balance between faith and fate, taking a chance and taking charge. My life, esp. in recent seasons has seen its shares of sweet victories and agonizing defeats. Simply put I understand what drives the flame of that torch.

After two years of struggle, ups and downs, set backs, etc I am finally in a place to build that institution. Yet I am afraid. I am afraid I will lose out. I am afraid I will blow it. I am afraid that when it’s all said and done my vision my not be shared and I may be, as an old friend used to say, putting two on ten. Its humbling as it is painful.

So how does an old solider like myself find the balance in understanding what is in my ability to control and what is not. I keep thinking of that serenity prayer…something about god giving me the strength to change what I cant, leave alone what I cant and knowing the difference.

But do I truly understand “Knowing the difference”? LOL. I really don’t think I do. I just know my head and heart are dedicated and I want to build. I’ve accepted I will make mistakes, annoy, falter, cry and bleed. I accept that as part of the process.

But still I didn’t wait two years not to give it my all; not to try to go all out.

A new chapter is beginning and I didn’t get resurrected to fail. I didn’t find the fountain of youth to remain the same place.

So I close my eyes and press on. Either this is the correct action or the wrong action. Either way I will know the morning after.

That is Straight, No Chaser.

TLT

11-22-2008

3:58:34pm