A Christmas Carol

“You will be visited by three ghosts” ~ A Christmas Carol.

The holidays are supposed to be a time of joy and happiness; where one reflects on the family friends the meaning of life, joy, good will towards me and all that stuff.

For me however the holidays have always been a sober time, one of ambivalence on one hand and sadness on the other. I have always been distant towards the holidays because of my religious rearing. It’s not secret I was born and raised a Jehovah’s Witness, so needless to say not only are the holidays a foreign experience it is one of stiffness. When you compound this with the fact that my father passed around this time two years ago then its safe to say the time frame from thanksgiving to New Year’s generally sucks to high hell to me.

The 2008 holiday season is no different. In fact the 2008 holiday season is even worse because it was suppose to usher in a new era of change but instead it has forced me to do something I loathe and hate. I am forced to deal with ghosts, and as I said in an earlier piece I.HATE.GHOSTS.

And this year I get the honor, like a Black Scourge to go up against three ghosts, and I need to either confront or at least survive these ghosts in order to find peace and happiness within a new dynamic.

I’ll admit if I had to go and deal with the ghosts of Christmas past, present and future I’d be relived. Those are tired ghosts who really don’t pose much of a threat as they are simply the occasion annoyance. Nah these ghosts are a bit more complex and as I said before how I handle them will have ramifications I may or may not see for quite some time.

So who or what are these ghosts? Well simply they are the Ghost of Legacy, the Ghost of Institutions, and the ironically the Ghost of Future Imperfect. While all different these ghosts are part of a whole and each one is connected to the other as I will show later.

The first Ghost, Legacy is complex as it is simple. This ghost merely represents standards and legacies; a grading scale by which all others will be judged. A first glance it doesn’t sound bad when you look at it. However under deeper examination one can discern that a legacy can work both ways. It can strengthen and it can cripple. When used as a model, not a copy, legacies can help motivate, liberate and even be used as a rallying point. However when one attempts to copy or recreate a legacy, it becomes problematic in that one begins to use it as a crutch. It becomes a reason for inaction; it becomes an unrealistic standard and an excuse not to move forward. My relationship to the Legacy of Black Studies is an example. For years I refused to move out of my comfort zone or challenge myself in the name of “legacy”. Yet at the same time, that same legacy kept me honest.

The second Ghost I have to face is one of Institution. This ghost can be reflective of anything that we have built relationships, careers, friendships etc. What’s more important is that how well these institutions do will judge how we interact with future institutions. Take for example relationships. If we come from an institution that failed or hurt us, we often make the next architects pay their tab and work harder than they should. Of course if those institutions are successful, we tend to try to re-create the wheel without any foresight or adjustment of situations. Again using to offer an example, how many times do we, using the “legacy” of a failed institution to help navigate a new institution. How many times have we mourned the downfall of a failed institution and its legacy at the expense of something new and more solid? All of us have done it, and all of us have been stupid for it.

The last ghost is one of Future Imperfect. This merely means that we are afraid of imperfection. We seek that perfect love, job, friendship, organization etc. We seek this perfection when we have fallen victim to the ghosts of legacy and institution. We seek this when we are afraid of reality, but rather would like to try to build fairy tales and perfect futures.

*sigh* Now if I could only get [CLASSIFIED: S1 OR EMPEROR’S EYES ONLY] to see this, to understand that I’m not insecure or being difficult but rather trying to show that standing at the gravesite of failed institutions, or seeking to fill a legacy that can never be matched is only a recipe for disaster pain and suffering. It will leave a legacy of heartbreak and build institutions of failure. True men wont seek tolerate the mourning of failure; nor will they try to follow in another’s legacy. True men will accept the future for what is, imperfect and build their own legacy and institution.

So on this Christmas, when the kids go to sleep and the music stops and the vodka chills, I will sit down and continue my work in beating these three ghosts.

Anything less is detrimental to me.

Merry Christmas people

Straight, No Chaser
12-25-2008
9:02pm