Swagger and Smiles

“Swagger on hundred, thousand trillion” ~Kanye West

I got my smile back.

It feels good. It really does. I’ve been without it for so long I’ve forgotten it’s glow, it’s warmth, it’s charisma that it became the exception rather rule.

I’ve forgotten what it was like to be known for that smile, or to see my sons’ face light up when I walked through the door flashing.

I grew tired of being known for my frown and scowl; being identified as unhappy when I truly was (at least on the inside) glowing.

I’ve gotten my smile back.

There are a number of reasons why my smile has returned: a purging of toxins in my life, an total embrace of my sons and their well being, getting my health in order and lastly finding love.

More importantly than that, I got it back because I started using it again. I can affirm that the saying “use it or lose it” is true.

“Why would one stop using their smile?” is your obvious question snarky mofo reading this, and I can only say that I stopped using it because in many circles of my life I was made to feel ashamed of it. I was made to feel as if I was weak or incompetent for being emotional, or caring, or giving a fuck when it wasn’t my turn. All of those pressures simply forced my smile back and allowed the scowl that has created my forehead lines life.

But no more. I am glad its back and I’m going to flash it every chance I get. I’m going to smile in good times and bad, sickness and health. I am going to smile in the presence of enemies and friends.

I am going to smile because Jah has blessed me with one helluva smile and I refuse to be mad ashamed of a trait that makes me the man I am.

The smile accents my swagger.

And when I lost my smile, I ultimately lost the swag.

When the swag left my mental health began to weaken. And when that happened I entered a period of unhappiness and made a number of mistakes which could have been avoided had I simply held my ground, smiled and swagged.

I’ve always loved the poem “Phenomenal Woman”. I think it is a testament to Black Womanhood, but more importantly it is one helluva “fuck you” statement. It says in essence this is me right here and I am not responsible if you can handle it or not.

While I won’t be like those bootleg t-shirts and remake the poem to fit manhood, I am operating in the same vein. I am vocal and emotional, logical and quiet, arrogantly humble and I am doing it with a smile.

And for the sake of my blood pressure and mental health I gotta say unequivocally “Fuck you if you can’t deal with it. This is me right here.

Hate it or love it the underdog’s on top.

Excuse me while I swagger

And nobody swaggers likes me…

Straight, No Chaser

TLT

3-01-2009

12:01AM