Blessed are those who Struggle: Rethinking Black Love

"Blessed are those who Struggle” ~ The Last Poets

First a simple definition is in order: Post Modernism. Without getting all academic, Post Modernism can simply be defined as everything is relevant and has a place; and thus rejects the traditional values of hierarchy and importance. Most scholars consider, especially among the youth, this to be a post modern era.

I’ve been doing a lot of reading and studying on the concept of Black love these past few months, the academic side of me is trying to understand why the intuition that should be chief among us is often given the LEAST work, or baring that, so easily given up on. Recently, I’ve purchased “In this life together” by the ultimate Black Couple: The late Ossie Davis and his widow Ruby Dee. Let me assure you that only I’m only two chapters in and already I’ve learned so much about what makes a Black relationship. In conjunction with the book, I finally got a chance to finish reading this month’s Ebony Magazine with the beautiful picture of President and Mrs. Obama in an intimate pose adoring its cover. This issue, their annual Black couple issue, explores prominent Black couples and takes it one step further by exploring the impact the Obamas’ have and will have on Black relationships during this time and the post Obama era.. Normally my cynical nature wouldn’t have finished a magazine like that but since being challenged by OOM to rethink my whole “love is war formula”, I gave it a spin.

I don’t think a magazine has ever made me cry so hard as those articles. I was amazed, I was floored, and I was impressed. Most important it made me think. I realized where my formula failed.

It lacked a human component. I treated it like I was exploring “forms of governments” and didn’t explore all the way. In short it was devoid of emotion. I am not backing away from my theory that war, politics and love aren’t different. I am backing away from the notion that a purely political outlook is essential to survival.

See, in this day and age our politics aren’t flawed because for the sake of being flawed. Our politics were/ is flawed because we became apathetic or fearful. We’ve become fearful and apathetic because we think everything matters and thus there should be easy. These feelings were/are brought on by adaptations of a “Post Modern” outlook.

See, because we’ve abandoned a lot of the traditions that made us who we are, we have become in effect lazy. We love the wrong things. I’ll expound more on that in a bit, but basically we’ve forgotten how to struggle in an effort to be chic, cool, or hip. Like our politics/life we no longer want to struggle. If love is a meal then we certainly don’t want to make it from scratch, pouring in ingredients of faith, hope, love and work. Instead we want a “just add and stir” kind of life, ala a cheap cake mix and then get upset and the shitty results.

The one thing I discerned from that issue and the book is you have to fight for what you want, fight to make the relationship what it is. Now of course there are obvious expectations: an abusive mate, a crack head mate, a mate who abuses children. Those are exceptions, not the rule. I am talking about the will and desire to make it work, blend career and home, good times and bad, sickness and health. All of that requires two strong individuals, who are willing to work for a common goal. The one thing I didn’t get from my readings was a concept of ease. There was drama, there was sadness but ultimately what mattered was the team and they made it do what it do.

So how does this tie in to “Post Modernism?” It ties in because Post Modernism or as I like to call it the “Rebirth of the rebirth of Cool" has destroyed traditional hierarchies of what really matters and ultimately how do you get there.

I’ve seen people bleed, cry, and sweat for their Sorority, but not for the man they love. I’ve seen them throw in the towel on somebody they profess to care about, but will fight for the love of their org. I’ve seen men not go home to their wives, who they claim they would “die for” so they can go to the strip club with their frat brothers. I’ve seen people put money into their churches but ignore homes. I’ve seen people let those they love walk out of their life in order to appear cool, as opposed to just letting emotions and honesty guide them. I’ve seen fathers love their jobs and their abstract notions more than their kids. Shit I’ve seen it all. In short, I’ve seen Black love given up for things that will not keep you warm at night, grow old with you, raise kids with you, or even be there in ten years. I think about that last point every time I’m with my youngest son, and I wish I could get those first two years back. There isn’t even a conference any more ya know?

See, while not perfect, the elders and older Black people understood what was important. They understood hierarchy and that some shit when put up against those we love isn’t important. Old school frat boys knew when to go home, old school sorority gals knew when to say no their the sisters so they could be with the one the love. They understood you had to feed your kids before the church, they understood, as David Ruffin so smoothly let us know, that it’s OK to beg.

But we’ve forgotten that. Post Modernism has made us forget what’s important, who’s important and why. Post Modernism has made “in love” the truth, and “true love” the fallacy, and like our politics given us a faulty idea that there is an easy button. And when we press that easy button and there is no fairy tale we become jaded, and want to quit. We want to yield and then come up with a thousands reasons why.

There is no easy button. Ossie and Ruby knew that, President and Mrs. Obama knows that, Will and Jada know that, hell even fictional Back couples like Florida and James and the Black Panther and Storm know that. Love is work. It can be chaos. But you are aware dear reader that this beautiful universe and life itself comes from Chaos?

I guess I’m a little thinking about this stuff because I’m a little hurt and disappointed. I’ve been recently told by two people close to me that: “My concept of love was stuck in the 60’s” and “My persistence bothers them sometimes”.

To the first critique I say “Probably, but couples were happier then, divorce wasn’t a reality and we had a Black Family. I’d rather be stuck in the sixties than live this bullshit today." Heh, The President and First Lady got a sixties relationship ya dig. To the second critique I say “If I can be persistent about things that can’t truly love me back then why not be persistent about something that can?" I’ve spent my whole life chasing an abstract: Black Freedom. I think I can put energy into something not abstract.

I make no apologies about that. I just pray my community quickly 86’s post modernism. Perhaps the Obamas’ will show us the path.

The Last Poets once said “Blessed are those who struggle”. There is power in that statement. There is power because it is truth. I was once told nothing easy is worth having.

That applies to my health, my career and my politics.

It definitely applies to my love life.

Fuck post modernism.

I like my life, in all facets,
Straight, No Chaser.
TLT
1-19-2009
12:01am