The Sun of the Mourning Pt.1: Confrontation

“Lord forgive him' he got them dark forces in him"-Jay Z

I sat in my room on my futon looking at my phone, staring at the picture we took at Borders, trying to figure out what happened. I have had many setbacks in my career but I don't think one has stung like this primarily because I waited so long and my chance cut short.

I felt a darkness come over me; a darkness I hadn't felt in quite sometime. Let me not rely on lyrical devices, I felt like killing myself and that feeling intensified the more I sat there.

I closed my eyes and tried to shake these emotions but I couldn't, I was in a lonely place of dying and at that point there seemed to be no escape. Honestly I wasn't trying to escape either. I just closed my eyes as this cloud enveloped my mind and heart.

But as real as these emotions were I should not have suddenly changed. A moment ago I was enjoying the happy times and now, I was ready to slit my wrists with the razor on my stand. Something was wrong.

As I slowly opened my eyes I finally understood.

There he was standing in my room, eating a golden apple, smirking. A mirror image of me but perfect, he was wearing a blue shirt and sweater vest, hair cut to perfection and 40lbs lighter than me, a stark contrast to my ragged look, rough beard and tired brown sweater.

Our eyes locked for what seemed like an eternity; then he extended his apple and spoke, voice calm and still.

"Wanna bite?" he asked

"No thanks" I replied. "It'll probably kill me."

He laughed hard. "You insult me T. If that were my goal I'd been done it. I was just offering you a piece of fruit. This still your favorite right?

"You know it is." I reply annoyed by his snarky tone.

"Of course. That's the upside to being able to read hearts. But seriously if you ate more of this and less mattsons, you'd look like me."

"What can I help you with" I ask cutting to the chase.

"Shit. I was just checking on you. I got the notion you were finna do something wild like kill yourself and I wanted to talk ya out of it"

I shake my head in disbelief." I'm touched. But um wouldn't it help you if I did?"

"Not one bit. Sure I"d have your soul for certain, but that way is not fun. Besides it would only cement your selfish rep. I wanna do something better."

"I'm so not listening to this bullshit." I get up and walk out.

He picks up my phone and looks at the picture.
"She is fine. And yall look good together. Lovely eyes. Heh I guess all the time in the world turned out to be just a couple of months hahaha". His laughed and comments pierce me and I stop dead in my tracks.

He starts to speak "but I can..." but before he can finish I grab him by his sweater and say "You.Out.Now!"

And he finishes his sentence anyway "get her back for you. Lemme make you a drink T.You look like you could use one."

I let him go and walk out the room. He makes my apple vodka straight up and on the rocks.

I go into the front room and sit on the couch, head hung low. He hands me my drink. I look at it and take it, drinking it straight down.

"Thirsty much?" he quips

"Yeah. And you're bullshitting me. If it was meant to be Jah would give it to me"

He scoffs and turns the picture to me.

"Pffft. Yeah and not without a cost or some twist. Like when you're 85 and about to die. He's funny like that "

"This may be true, but you want something too. And as good as it sounds I don't think she'd be into a punked out devil worshipper"

"You watch too many movies. I am not talking about that. I am merely asking that in exchange for a second chance, you live as the man you truly are sans the moral and honor bullshit. You live free. You truly be happy and do what you want to do."

"I've out grown those hedonist tendencies. I'm a changed man. So my answer is no. “I reply trying to convince both of us.

"Pffft. No you haven't. What was it Jay-Z said? Oh you can change the top layer...but you are who you are player."

"NO!" I yell as I get up and storm pass him taking my drink and snatching my phone out of his hands. I go back into my room and flop on the futon.

He follows me calmly, more gliding than walking. "Fair enough. How about this: A contest. Winner take all. You survive and she's yours. You lose and you're mine. No tricks."

I shake my head and sip some more vodka, the bittersweet taste burning my throat.

"Winner take all? No tricks?" I clarify

"Winner take all. No tricks" he says and extends his hand.

I take his hand. "Agreed." I sit back down, take another sip and sigh. He hands me my phone back and says “She does have some pretty eyes."

I take the phone back and look at the picture one more time. "Indeed she does. Indeed. I'm ready. Let's get this shit over with." I don't bother looking at him, instead studying my picture.

"Nah" he says in voice that I would almost call sympathetic if I didn't know better. He turns and begins walking out of my room, "you look like you you need's a good nights sleep first. When was the last time you fucking slept?"

"Its been a week." I respond.

He stops at the door with his back to me. "T?"

"Yeah?" I answer, still not looking up, taking another sip and now looking at a different picture.

His voice changes. It’s low and harsh like crushed glass. "Sleep."

The last thing I see is her smile and the last thing I hear is his laugh and my glass hitting the floor, as I slump on the bed.

To be continued........

Straight, No Chaser
TLT
1-10-2009
12:01am