Revolutions and Rotations: Boys to Men

"These ARE the things that change boys to MEN"
~New Edition

Today is August 10th 2009 and it is my 34th birthday. It has been a long calender year indeed.

It is funny in the revolutions and rotations we call life that I would be almost in the exact same spot I was one year ago today. While my financial situation is a bit different, I am still on the front lines helping my heirs adjust to life (again/always) in their new school, an inner city school and teach them how to survive.

This would mark the 4th straight birthday I am celebrating as a single man, and honestly I would like to have a birthday again where I can celebrate with one woman, get birthday sex from one woman, indulge in one wonderful conversation with one woman and then catch a nap.

This will also mark the 4th straight year my birthday has come following some kind of MAJOR crisis or test, this year it follows the well documented and powerful "Love Supreme Crisis". To put it into context, image if your birthday fell on 9-11 or the day after the levees broke. It would kind of dampen the mood a bit. Dealing with the fall out of my own 9-11/Hurricane Katrina has left me both trying to ensure I had a festive birthday, but also hella reflective on the battles I have won, defeats I have suffered and the joy and pain intrinsic to our time on this planet. Indeed this past calender year has led me in a complete emotional circle as just like last year I had/have to deal with (or not deal with) the emotional complexities of losing someone near and dear to my heart only more intense. Without question this day will be one of reflection and contemplation on the things that change boys to men and wondering if I am truly a man.

HOWEVER, in spite of the aforementioned there is much to celebrate. I am walking toward Jehovah, a bit slow, stumbling, but walking non the less. I DID help my heirs with their transitions from suburban life into city life, we WILL meet the challenge of the new school like the soldiers we are, I am working again and outside of a brief uh....incapacitation in June my health is pretty friggin good. My parenting relationship with BM is perfect and even new responsibility is agreeing to my terms laid out. My friendship with Wei Yan seems salvageable, I have healed with my father's side of my family, and my crew is back together. Each challenge that was laid before me this year was/ has been meet, with/to the best of my ability plus 20%. While I might have fallen short in some goals, I failed in none because I always answered the bell. I will continue to keep fighting and pressing towards that mark of the higher calling.

Wow 34 years old? I shiver sometimes when I think about it; all that I have seen and done, the dead and incarcerated homies who aren't here anymore or whose birthdays now are a reminder of the painful errors of their life. It is in these sobering moments that I find joy, not in their pain but rather I understand my blessings. I understand who I am and how I came to be and that MAN who stands before you now, scars and all, has nothing to be ashamed of, nothing to fear, nothing to really hold me back. In this Duel of Fates, even as it continues, I am learning I have a strength I may not have tapped before and it is that strength that I will survive the next calander year and beyond. Jay Z once sung:

You know my story
I been through it all
Nights I felt like dying
But I ain't crying
What didn't kill me
Made me strong as Iron
Oh.My.God.

HOV had a point and I agree. After this year I can say with no ego that I am fucking adamantium.

As I sit on the mountain top, enjoying the view of the promise land and an early morning shot of vodka, I think of all that I have been through. I thank Jehovah deeply for not leaving me in the hands of the of the "star' even as I was unsure of what to do. Coming to this mountain top has given me a sense of peace, and while I am sure the "star" will test me again, while I am sure I may have doubts again, I know I will not fall or lose. That much I am certain of.

The Legend of Terrance L Thomas is secure. My legacy is secure. My reality and my future are also secure, even if ever evolving. My past and present being reconciled. Good, bad and ugly all things are where they are even if it blows at times.

New Edition was right. Growing up can be a pain and you're not a man until you come of age.

Good to know I've been a MAN for a long time.

Before I forget: Thank you ALL for your love, support, critiques, and up-building. You have helped me get through this year indeed.

Tis time for me to go enjoy my birthday...


Straight, No Chaser
TLT
8-10-2009
6:45am

PS
Enjoy the music...