Morning Snarky Mofos Reading this!
I wasn't going to do a weekend update, partly because I have two unfinished pieces sitting in my drafts that I could be working on, but also I think it is uber depressing to get a dispatch from the front lines of a beleaguered, defeated army. I mean seriously you ever see those old films of generals surrendering, leaders yielding and other sorts of giving up? It makes you wanna cry. I mean look at this here. Or this here. No better yet how about this one. That is how my house looks and feels this morning. And for the historically deficient, I just compared this shit to the end of the Civil War, the Japanese surrendering on the Missouri, and the fall of Saigon. But in spite of these feelings that doesn't remove my responsibility for a weekend update.
On my current career situation:
I have interviewed with a couple of social service agencies, looking for alternative certification route and as a final option will find a MA program in either Public Administration or Political Science. As I stated back in April I aced my Basic Skills tests to that gives me a ton of negotiating room.
I would love to stay with the organization I'm with but since my current contract ends on Sept 30th, and I haven't heard anything about my status in any form I must only conclude that I am not up for renewal and have to take my skills and brilliance else were. Again, this search and mission is made easier by the fact that I am not returning to retail nor any bullshit gigs. Unlike my personal life my professional one is pretty much cut and dry.
The Wei Yan Situation
It's funny how this topic has moved to the front of the conversation since the piece "On Thy Honor"; esp when you consider that the MAIN THEME of that topic wasn't the termination of generals but rather a testimony/testament/character reference by those who knew me best and to provide a counter point to an assessment of my persona was I know was flawed by someone I so love and revere, even outside the context of an "US".
Yet a lot of people took that post as a justification of my friendship, or lack thereof with the Ret. General. One of the aforementioned drafts deals with why I ended our friendship this time around and I'm still debating on hitting the "Publish Post" button; I know the creature and I know she reads and it will only get ugly(er). But keeping true to myself I might have to file this one under the "they'll get over it tab." I think it's a story that needs to be told and a situation that requires some light. So yeah, look for that complete post in the next week and a half or so. I will say this right here and now: Yes, she helped me at a very critical moment. I appreciate that and I'm sure my love(d) ones do as well. It was that reason why I wiped her original sins clean. Let me add that I no longer see her as a villain, nor will I vilify her. There was an small element of political expediency present in my decision. I know for a fact she would have never submitted to the throne and I was also aware that had she come back (the)Queen wouldn't had tolerated her presence one bit. With that said in order to get (the) Queen back to the table, I removed the one thing I believe(d) irked her outside of my blog and drunken rambling emails. But do not be mislead: Even if you remove (the)Queen factor, Ret. Gen got her own self removed; like McCarthy during Korea she just wouldn't listen and was hell bent on me healing her way. In essence she helped then turned around and worked against the healing program because I would not in her words "forget about her". That created conflict, that brought the toxic nature back and finally a decision had to be made in the best interests of both our sanity, our family and the larger picture. Like I said it's more complex than "she vs. her" or some high school paradigm.
Shutting my blog down
Com.e.dy. Stop emailing, stop implying, stop asking. It ain't happening. I am not doing it. No way. If I didnt consider it when the Queen Mother suggested it, what change DO you have. I shouldn't have shut down the first myspace blog, but I did so trying to maintain a peace, heal a friendship and in the process lost some classic material as well as an introspective into my life at a certain point and time. I concede at times I am careless on this thing, other times I really don't think my words have that much impact. But if what I am told is true and now my blog is being debated in class that means I got a lot more folks reading than my "subscriber" tab would indicate and I need to be a tadbit careful...but not much.
The important thing to remember about my blog, even when I was writing political (which by the way I'll be doing again shortly) is it is about my life from my P.O.V. It is not a gospel, it is not meant to be a definitive statement of events but rather how I see, thought, think, feel and react to the situations in my life....Straight No Chaser. If I'm not allowed that right then damn....
The Breaking of the Dark Knight
I wrote a couple of days ago how I finally think, as painful as it is to do, gotta give up my campaign. It sucks, it's not fair, its painful, emotional, bitter, sad, not fair and whole bunch of other words that make my chest hurt but the fact of the matter is that a) I am moving towards a (re) burnout and b) My struggle is not being viewed in a proper context I believe and I am running the risk of forever losing, tarnishing (more) my legacy and at the worst being hated or disliked. Since none of those were agenda items or goals I was trying to obtain this means that I, gotta stop. I'm have to take a page out Ekklektia/Ishamariablanca's book and step back, yield and accept this is Jehovah's will even if it hurts. If there is someone on the her throne, I need to bow before it. I have seen and participated in the banning of generals who don't get with the program. Prime Ministers are not above banning either (Thanks to Soror/Sage for that ugly moment).
*sigh*
Let's remove all the hyperbole and just get blunt: True love isn't about being a bull in a china shop. If (the) Queen or anybody else *points at all you mofos* don't know my heart, thoughts and feelings then honestly...I have no words. I cant force way back and I cant debate my way back. I fought the good fight and now...it's time to...do...something. I admit I don't know. I do know though Mirrors are real and I honestly don't wanna be banned. With that said, I'm sorry if my actions or my words, or my blogs have been hurtful, or crude; as I stated above that was not my intent. I am neither phony nor fake, crazy nor bitter. I am a simple man who just simply wanted to go home.
And there will still be plenty for me to do and write about....
Aight I'm going back to play Batman...
oh wait speaking of Batman
On Batman Arkham Asylum:
This is the greatest game ever made in the history of Batman games. I swear Jehovah was in the room with the developers as they made this piece of art. I mean damn. So far I'm 66% complete, I've survived Bane's nonsense, Scarecrow's fear toxic, and Killer Croc's sewers; I wont even speak on the Joker's henchmen and the Riddler's challenges.
They even set up a website based off of a site they mention in the background: www.Arkhamcare.com/prices
If I died today I would die a happy man.
Not with THAT said
Straight, No Chaser
TLT
10:45am
8-30-2009
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7 comments:
BT, I feel sorry for you. The Queen didn't come back, and you're suprised? And you dissed this weiyan a friend who has been there, in hopes that the queen would recognize this good deed and come back? Such a shame. I hope she realizes that she is better off without you. A so called friend. I mean really you have yet to learn your lesson. Your writting speaks volumes BT, and it says that you have no loyalty were there is loyalty given to you. Shame on you.
If you ever shut this blog down I will send bloodhounds after you.
Okay nothing long as I have to prepare to go to office..
Make it a great one!
@AP
No need for pity, it is as it should be...and balance will be restored if only slowly...
I think we're better off without each other...our dynamic has been draining to say the least. We both have done shit that would make Jesus weep..
Speaking of the Ret. Gen, its funny how you pick and chose information; if you are going to advocate you should at least pay attention to the whole conversation. If in an earlier comment you said I am not "fake" then my reasons can not be fake. I listed a myriad of reasons yet you only focus on one? What about her behavior? Her actions? Our complications? I mean even gave a historical example: She was my Mccarthy to her Truman. I needed a war fought a certain way for a reason and she didnt comply. She demanded I forget about the queen and I thought that was in a word...lunacy.
However, I understand advocacy, so you're gonna advocate. And juding that you ignored a well written explanation by Ekkletia/Ishamariablanca that makes me wonder if you're reading through objective eyes. Interesting.
Of course I'm surprised...ok not really.
I'll never shut the blog down.
Good talking to you AP
TLT
@ BT, the sense of objectivity was lost when the words 'dissed', 'shame', and 'hope' came into use. But I suppose that is neither here nor there.
@ Anonymous, I would suggest taking a good look at all the evidence before jumping to any conclusions. Even without his revealing all of the circumstances that led to Wei Yan's being banned, you cannot in good conscience read what is presented and say that she's been a true friend. Seriously. Yes, she's been there, but it's what you do when you are there that determines the quality of friendship or any relationship. Her dynamic has not been one of love, but of control. It has been manipulative and abusive even when giving gifts and praise. BT may reveal a lot in the course of his writing, but he has been quite charitable in not revealing the specific events that have led to the banning of Wei Yan.
All that said, though, I stand by the assertion that a hurt woman ought not be made a villain. There were events and power struggles on both sides that would defy a cut and dry choosing of sides. I refuse to do that, and prefer to speak the truth about the situation even though BT and I are friends. If you are a true advocate (or possible friend, as you have chosen not to reveal your identity), you will once more step back and look objectively at the evidence before choosing a side as well. Then from a bigger frame of reference, you can begin to assess the true nature of the interactions between Wei Yan and BT before coming to the conclusion that her 'loyalty' was repaid with disrespect.
@Ekkletia: Thank you. I really cant add more to that other than you've been very fair and balanced in your critiques...and praises.
It's because of you I no longer view this entire LSC in the lens of Black and White
TLT
@Ekklektia
What are you BT's spokes person? You have insight on him and his feeling because you are HIS friend and confidant. So how are you able to speak on Weiyan's behalf? I agree with you a hurt woman shouldn't be villied. A person only reacts to information given. Good or bad. I can only assume what BT and weiyan discussed and what he hasn't told. You said in an earlier comment that she was hurt and she needed time away from him to be the woman God has called her to be..how can you make that assessment about what she needs or what's in her best interest? What dynamic doesn't have complications? In my professional opinion, I don't believe that she wanted BT to forget about his ordeal, no more than she could forget this ordeal..if it bothers her at all. I believe that she was pushing through her issues as best as she could, I believe that she wanted to prove her presence was not one of control but of perserverance and loyalty. BT doesn't hide his frustation and pain from losing the queen. He and weiyan who OBVIOUSLY have a connection physically and emotionally how would he expect different? I can't make an assumption about people I don't know I can however, offer my profesional opinion about certain situation as I am educated to do so. Perhaps YOU should look at the broader picture instead of just looking through the lens of BT.
@BT 39
As I told you before friendship is sacred to me. I have never came across one that was not problematic on some level. But I know all to well what a problematic one intells. I have almost lost friends because we were to damn subborn to get over ourselves. BUT a resolution was reached. Esp with my long time friend as I told you. Other than my husband this friend is the only one I divulge everything with and love dearly. Its kind of like brown sugar with sydney and Dre's friendship minus the hooking up and sleeping together. MEN AND WOMEN come a dime a dozen. FRIENDSHIP IS FOREVER. There is always two sides to a story BT. YOU tell these stories in YOUR words and pov and how YOU feel; which is understandable tis your blog. BUT you can't speak on some elses behalf especially if they are a hurt or heartbroken someone, you will only make yourself look innocent and the other party will appear as if I was all their fault. And having friends who believe they are at liberty of speak for them doesn't help the other party either.
@AP
No she's not my "spokesperson"; in fact she has been not only a voice of trust and reason on the council but also a voice of critiscim and correction. I always say had I listened to her and went to bed on April 3 as opposed to writing an email I wouldnt be here now.
I also hear you on the friendship. I do, and maybe one day when all are healed we will come back to that friendship. But today we're too problematic, too toxic and we need time to heal and I need to openly and truly mourn.
@Ekkletia: Thank you love
TLT
Hmmm...I struggle with whether or not to address this last comment, Anonymous. I have a professional opinion as well, just in a couple different fields. As a minister, I was trained to believe in atonement; in the restoration of relationships. But as an advocate for survivors of domestic violence, I understand that separation and intervention are needed for both the safety and well-being of the abused person. So, both the opinions that they need to be separate, and that she is not going to become the woman that God has placed her here to be, ARE professional opinions. These assertions can be made from her actions towards him, her writing, his writing, and other communications that I somewhat regret that you are not privy to.
Now, I'm not trying to get into a battle of wits or professional expertise, but in which school of thought did they teach you to tell a subject that you "feel sorry" for him? Was it Jung, Freud, Pavlov? Not trying to be funny, but you clearly have become more a part of the saga than a professional would allow herself (or himself) to become. Now, you may have gone from being a casual observer to seeing something in the writing that provoked you to the point of having to speak, but when offering a professional opinion, be careful that it is objective. The only psychologist who's allowed that kind of flexibility between professionalism and friend-speak is Dr. Phil.
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