"But this time...is different"~ Batman
I felt like Biggie, wondering who the hell is this calling me at 7:15am. I didn't look at the number assuming the only lunatic to call me would be one of my young people and I honestly prayed that it wasn't because the ONLY time on of them call that early is to tell me they're either locked up or somebody died. Either way I was in the mood for it because hump day blues left me totally fucked up.
I answer half professional half sleep.
"This is Terrance"
The voice responds "Good morning Prime Minister". Instantly I recognize the voice and laugh because its my former student, lover and current great friend "Red". Red is a legend in my world a retired counsel member. Our history is quite complex; we're like the friend my anonymous poster said she had, but now really great friends. She married a great guy and all is well. Sadly the sails of life has kept communication apart and we really hadn't spoken nor seen each other minute but I know for a fact she's a snarky mofo who reads this fine piece of work I call a blog. I also know her eyes go else were.
"Do you realize what time it is?
"Yeah it's the time when normal people get up"
"We both know I ain't normal people"
"LOL. No. You're not. But look wake up, we need to talk".
I sit up on the couch, having feel asleep playing Batman: Arkham Asylum for the XBox360 (good ole product placement) and I tell her to shoot.
"T, you know I love you. But I'mma need to you stop"
"Stop what?"
"Don't be an ass"
"You know I can't do that"
"Actually you can but you don't want to. But you really ain't gotta choice no more."
"Red"
In anger she cuts me off. She begins to layout her concerns for me and my health. She lays out why it won't work and tells me the obvious answer is none of the above. In essence she is pleading with me not to continue and for good measure she tells me how I am mentally killing myself.
I absorb her pleas and I listen; but my response was as it has always been. "Thank you, but my mind is made up. I have no choice but to fight"
By now she is crying and I can hear it in her voice she is worried.
"Nothing can be gained from this battlefield. You remember telling me that when me and his name who isn't spoken broke up. It hurt, but you were right. So now I'm telling you my old teacher "nothing can be gained here".
"Its too early in the AM. Can we finish this later?"
"No. Have you seen the latest piece of intel?" she asks in a flustered voice.
"No, contrary to popular belief that isn't the first thing I do in the am"
"I think you should check it out now. I'll wait."
I go to my laptop which snary preteen left up and I gather my intel"
"You there?"
"Yeah I'm here. I'm reading now"
At this point I am now wishing it was a lunatic or one of the kids. The shit hits me like a ton of bricks and I taste traces of vomit but I fight it off.
"T?"
"Unintended consequence of war. Balance will return"
"Isn't that present in all wars PM? Yours was no different. So you ain't said nothing. Wait are you shittying me? It's is there in black and white. What more do you need to hear and read? Will seeing make you a believer? Or maybe another breaking point. Look, if you continue would you be any different from Yan? Only a fool keeps knocking on a door where he ain't wanted. There are sisters who would love to fuck with you, die to be with you. Why then fight for the one who ain't feeling you ever? You know better. I know you know better cause you trained me"
"It's a little more complex......"
"Yi Liang. You're now fighting an unjust and immoral war"
"That's not fair"
"But it applies. Or better yet, you can run all of Baltimore, but Avon gotta have his corners."
I sit silently. I look at the screen one more time and I log off.
"PM?"
"I'm here. I need to go so I can get the kids off for school."
"I understand, and I'm sorry. You are a godsend Terrance. I just need for you to remember it. Go heal. I love you bro"
"Thank you and I love you too..."
In just 7 mins and 42 seconds Thursday August 27th 2009 is officially shot to hell.
I go through my morning ritual as if in a trance....my mind cant even think straight.
I make coffee.
I take a shower.
I help my heirs get organized.
I try to eat a bagel. I can't
My coffee tastes bitter.
My youngest heir wont cooperate.
I call off work. Don't wanna do it today.
My heirs leave and I go sit on a back porch...the drizzle annoying me. I reflect on all that I have read seen and done.
I reflect on this blog, my conversations her, my debates with Yan, the counsel of BFL, Rev Dr, my bible study, every moment of the past 142 days and it finally hits me...summed up in one line...
Finally I throw up.
By now I've gotten two text messages asking me am I alright and what my next move will be.
My next move..will...be...to...use the advice I gave Yan....
Of 36 Stratagems, only one will work....36 itself.
I walk in the house and the Queen Mother is up.
"You look tired. Is everything alright?"
I kiss her on the forehead and tell her as good as its going to be and smile at her. I turn and walk to the den she yells to me "Pray to Jehovah!"
I try to pray but I can't. I can't find the words. Perhaps I will later..they always do come to me.
I do think I've picked on helluva time to try to quit drinking. Jackass.
Instead and fittingly considering my fixation on this damn game (which I'm about to play now) I remember Batman #497......and the images therein...which describes how this "Bane" of hurt and frustration (even if unintentional) has managed to break this Dark Knight.
It's over..............
And somewhere the "Star" is laughing his ass off.....
Straight, No Chaser
TLT
8-27-2009
9:45am
