A Memorial ..

By any Means Necessary~Malcolm X

*steps to the podium, respectable bows to Jah, my late father, my family, the BFL counsel, my friends, my frat, and to the throne.*

I have a memorial I wish to present.

To my loved ones:

Everything I've trained and studied for has been for this moment.

All my political theories, stratagems and strategies; beliefs, rules and regulations, listening and learning has been for the tasks set before me. Everything I am and will be is about to be tested.

This one, as the late Gorilla Moonson used to say, is for ALL the marbles.

This is my Northern Campaign. I will not return to Cheng Du until I reach Chang An.

This is my underground railroad journey; any one tries to stop me and they get shot. There is no going back.

This is the Wire Season 3. I am Avon Barksdale. I want my corners.

This is real life. I am Terrance. I will be successful. There is no other option.

It is now or never.

The tightness I feel in my chest is not depression, is not sadness, but determination. Determination not to fail. It is my determination to keep the peace at all costs, to acheive at all costs and to not fear. Perhaps this isnt healthy, perhaps it will wreck me but the alternative is to lose my peace. I wont lose that for anything. So before anybody asks me to stop let me emphatically tell you NO! In fact as my Soror Good N Plenty recently said "Please don't ask me how to quit......it's not a concept that I get anymore" I can hear the words and disapporval of one reader who is going to tell me that I am just a man and can only do so much. She is gonna beg me not to take all this one me, and I am going to say "No, one man can change the game. Why cant I?"

I realized as I laid in bed that this may be misinterperted for either obsession or insanity, probably both. I realize that in this day of easy buttons, non struggle, and non commitments that someone representing the old values of determination, manifest destiny and the will to overcome will be seen as, well insane. Well snarky mofo reading this it is exactly why are communities are in the current conditions, our institutions are inept and why Black love is generally a joke.

Black Love. The key to it all. They key to our insitutions, our community, ourselves because if you cant love that which is you then how can you love anything else. Yes, I've become consumed by resurrecting it, I've been consumed with destroying post moderism in Black love, consumed with killing off lions, tigers, and bears and showing that Aint no Mountain high enough. I'm consumed with showing that it can be done, that the Obamas are not an annomoly but rather a truth that has found its way back to the front. I am consumed with this because if Black men and Black women cant learn to truly love each other, truly have dedication, truly be down, truly try, truly fight then

our community

is doomed and those of us who

are conscious should commit seppuku

because the world that will be the community that will be is not one we will be able to live in or endure. I will lead by example and start with my own family. I ask if you have true Black love you join me.

I visited my dad this morning at his grave and I cried. I cried because I feel so out of place, I feel so weird, like that which I desire is so wrong. I feel aracic. I talked to him deeply and hard.

His response was simple as it was poignant. "Be a man, and do what you have to do".

What I have to do...and I stopped crying and smiled.

I have to make sure my sons develop in strong Black men.

I have to show them how to work together.

I have to get into somebody's classroom. No more side tasks or bullshit gigs. I am dedicating myself to education and rededicating myself to African American Studies. I won't leave her again.

I have to help my mother. Her religion strengthens and blinds her. It makes her weak. I promised my father I would protect her. I have failed in that task. I am sorry Lemar.

After last night I need to return to my frat. I left them as they left me. Now I will return to them so they can return to me.

I have to lead my brothers, esp Devin. He is so bright, but misguided. He is my Jiang Wei, my Boddie, my lil brother.

I have to make this work and you believe. The final component in a perfect build. It can be no simpler.

This is what I have to do

or

there is no or. Do or Do NOT. There is no try.

Yup, this one is for all the marbles.

In the Spirit of Struggle, Liberation and Victory!

Prime Minister,
Terrance L Thomas

Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-4-2009
9:50am