"Fear Leads to Anger, Anger Leads to Hate, Hate Leads to Suffering." ~Master Yoda
I swear I should write comic books OR fictionally write, because I am THE only dude who has some 15 year old enemy come out of the past to enact revenge.
First up I want to stress that this is not directed at Wei Yan. I am totally convinced that she wasn't the one vandalizing the blog or harassing [classified]. Regrettably, I almost wish it was Wei Yan, as it would make more sense for her to lash out than you.
It's funny Yoni, how your return made me a) snap out of it and b) see the world without time. For the first I thank you, because I almost allowed despair to cripple me; your antics gave me a second wind and helped me get those beautiful eyes their glow back. You pissed me off reminded me. I am now convinced that after a cooling off period, after we sit down and talk, I will regain my HIT status and get my wife back. I'll be sure to send you a wedding picture.
But in snapping out of it, I begin to think. I begin to reflect on the episodes of my life and equally I felt sorry for you. I hesitate to say that because that last time I used that phrase it caused a firestorm. But I mean it in the sense that she interpreted...I pity you. I do.
Let me make a correction. You weren't battered. I cant say you didn't feel that, but you weren't battered. What our dynamic was two troubled teens in an alternative high school doing what troubled teens do. We were immature people doing grow up shit and suffered the consequences. If memory serves me correct, and it almost always does, I was embarrassed by you kissing dude at our event, you using my phone card to call your other boyfriend, and ultimately I did the two week stint in the hospital which lead to a persona I cant friggin shake to this day: Crazy Terrance. We both carry a history from this.
I don't know what you wrote to my queen, but I did get your message to me. You wrote:
i am not bitter. but scared. this isn't in association with fisk. i have battled with this for so long. i just don't want anybody to suffer the way i have. but she is right. she doesn't need to listen to me. you took my sense of belonging. i will just say that i will never forgive you but i am going back to my closet to live out the rest of my life. i don't apologize for making my pain known. i am a horrible mother because of it. but i am going back in my closet. this time forever.
What I don't understand is why are you afraid. As I said and will say to anybody who brings up old events, esp from the B.C. era
*pause*
I divide my history into three parts: B.C.= Before Centrell (my oldest) A.D.=After Devin and P.N.E.=Post Nicole Era. Hopefully my next era will be Romance of the Kingdom.~ TLT
*play*
that the boy they left behind is NOT the man you see before you. I've gone through three major eras and outside of one myspace message that you didnt respond to (the message congratulated you on your movie if I am correct) and an accidental bump into at the middle college we havent.said.one.word.to.each.other.
I am sorry you have held this pain for 15 years. However, you handled it wrong. Much to the dismay of many of my loved ones, I am easy to track on the net; up until Sunday I was a regular on FB. We could have discussed this, debated it and helped you move on. There is no reason your children should suffer for this.
*sigh* This is going to so annoy the queen I am trying to reconcile with but what do you need to say or do to heal? As I said nobody should walk around for 15 years in pain; that's what made me dry my eyes and get up yesterday. My five day torment is nothing to what you've gone through.
I am not going to sue you as suggested or pursue this matter any further. I have a test to study for, writing to do, and begging to get on with.
While not perfect, and definitely with some regrets I have lived a very decent life. Two beautiful suns, with the possible addition of a third, two degrees, a helluva Black Studies career, a wonderful queen, great sorors, an aight frat and the brothers known as BFL. My family is happy and healthy.
I was able to achieve this because I challenge myself daily. I face my fears daily. I push my self daily. I redeem myself daily.
It's time you come out of the closet and do the same. No more talking to the queen. I promise you it wont matter. No more anonymous posts.
Or you can seek therapy. It actually is free now..
Because right now, I don't see the woman I expected to see...a movie director successful and loving Black life...
I still see the little girl hiding in the theatre with a book up to her face....
and that...is really sad...Yoni...
Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-08-2009
10:13am
I swear I should write comic books OR fictionally write, because I am THE only dude who has some 15 year old enemy come out of the past to enact revenge.
I couldn't make this shit up I swear.
First up I want to stress that this is not directed at Wei Yan. I am totally convinced that she wasn't the one vandalizing the blog or harassing [classified]. Regrettably, I almost wish it was Wei Yan, as it would make more sense for her to lash out than you.
It's funny Yoni, how your return made me a) snap out of it and b) see the world without time. For the first I thank you, because I almost allowed despair to cripple me; your antics gave me a second wind and helped me get those beautiful eyes their glow back. You pissed me off reminded me. I am now convinced that after a cooling off period, after we sit down and talk, I will regain my HIT status and get my wife back. I'll be sure to send you a wedding picture.
But in snapping out of it, I begin to think. I begin to reflect on the episodes of my life and equally I felt sorry for you. I hesitate to say that because that last time I used that phrase it caused a firestorm. But I mean it in the sense that she interpreted...I pity you. I do.
Let me make a correction. You weren't battered. I cant say you didn't feel that, but you weren't battered. What our dynamic was two troubled teens in an alternative high school doing what troubled teens do. We were immature people doing grow up shit and suffered the consequences. If memory serves me correct, and it almost always does, I was embarrassed by you kissing dude at our event, you using my phone card to call your other boyfriend, and ultimately I did the two week stint in the hospital which lead to a persona I cant friggin shake to this day: Crazy Terrance. We both carry a history from this.
I don't know what you wrote to my queen, but I did get your message to me. You wrote:
i am not bitter. but scared. this isn't in association with fisk. i have battled with this for so long. i just don't want anybody to suffer the way i have. but she is right. she doesn't need to listen to me. you took my sense of belonging. i will just say that i will never forgive you but i am going back to my closet to live out the rest of my life. i don't apologize for making my pain known. i am a horrible mother because of it. but i am going back in my closet. this time forever.
What I don't understand is why are you afraid. As I said and will say to anybody who brings up old events, esp from the B.C. era
*pause*
I divide my history into three parts: B.C.= Before Centrell (my oldest) A.D.=After Devin and P.N.E.=Post Nicole Era. Hopefully my next era will be Romance of the Kingdom.~ TLT
*play*
that the boy they left behind is NOT the man you see before you. I've gone through three major eras and outside of one myspace message that you didnt respond to (the message congratulated you on your movie if I am correct) and an accidental bump into at the middle college we havent.said.one.word.to.each.other.
I am sorry you have held this pain for 15 years. However, you handled it wrong. Much to the dismay of many of my loved ones, I am easy to track on the net; up until Sunday I was a regular on FB. We could have discussed this, debated it and helped you move on. There is no reason your children should suffer for this.
*sigh* This is going to so annoy the queen I am trying to reconcile with but what do you need to say or do to heal? As I said nobody should walk around for 15 years in pain; that's what made me dry my eyes and get up yesterday. My five day torment is nothing to what you've gone through.
I am not going to sue you as suggested or pursue this matter any further. I have a test to study for, writing to do, and begging to get on with.
While not perfect, and definitely with some regrets I have lived a very decent life. Two beautiful suns, with the possible addition of a third, two degrees, a helluva Black Studies career, a wonderful queen, great sorors, an aight frat and the brothers known as BFL. My family is happy and healthy.
I was able to achieve this because I challenge myself daily. I face my fears daily. I push my self daily. I redeem myself daily.
It's time you come out of the closet and do the same. No more talking to the queen. I promise you it wont matter. No more anonymous posts.
Or you can seek therapy. It actually is free now..
Because right now, I don't see the woman I expected to see...a movie director successful and loving Black life...
I still see the little girl hiding in the theatre with a book up to her face....
and that...is really sad...Yoni...
Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-08-2009
10:13am
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