Sins of the Father Pt. 7: Resolution

"What greater weapon is there than to turn an enemy to YOUR cause?
To use their own knowledge against them?" ~Bastila Shan

OK, I've whipped up a breakfast worthy of a Black College student: reheated Swai fish, oriental vegetables in teryikai sauce with red beans and rice; to wash it down I've got a bottle of cran-apple juice that was left over from my vodka splurge. I also uh..."mediated" while listening to the rain. I really wonder if I am going to be able to make it. I still sad.

So I've eaten, drunken and am merry, let's get back to my story.

OK to the story...

So I haven't spoken with anybody on my father' s side since Dec. 22 2006, I've ignored numerous requests to build, to sit down, to talk. Honestly there wasn't anything to discuss, my mother was disrespected at my father's funeral no less. There was nothing to talk about.

Fast forward a couple of years....I am in the process of transferring my sons out of their suburban schools and into a new CPS school. Since my wonderful boys are uppity suburbans kids I was looking for a way to give them a lesson in negro-ology; helping to them to learn rather quickly the norms and ways of the hood and niggerdoms so they can survive this transition and so I wont kill somebody's child or some child's parent.

I spent the weekend with my boys, technology free pondering this problem; I needed to find a resolution quickly and low and behold an answer would appear in the form of my brother. I had all of the children this weekend and he wanted to me to bring my niece by so they could go to a party on my cousins on dad's side was throwing. He also asked if I could end the embargo and at least let the boys come.

This provided the perfect opportunity to train them in the ways of niggerness. I said I would come along to monitor, but not participate.

Upon my arrival my two older cousins broke down in tears. They were happy to see me and pleaded with me to end my embargo. I told them no, I would not be returning on a full time basis, however I would be around as long as it took my suns to be integrated into the family and then I would be ghost.

But then I saw someone who shook me to my core, to made me re-think all of my bitterness and anger and hostility. I saw my younger cousin Quenisha, aka Queen, who has been on my hip since she was a baby. If there is a family member who probably can soften my heart it is Queeny.

We hug and she begins to cry. She asks me where I have been, letting me know my presence was missed by the younger cousins. "We really didn't have nobody to talk to. You the smartest one." That kind of compliment both warms your heart and weighs on your soul as you reflect on your actions.

We sit down, still teary eyes and I ask Queeny how she's been and she process to tell me her life over the past 2 plus years. She had school problems, she was rapped and my older aunts refused to get her therapy so she "wont relive it", she needed advise on men, and she wants to go to college next year when she graduates but is being dissuaded from doing so.

I shook my head. Then I remembered the lesson from this past week: War clouds Judgement. In waging my war, I didn't think about the children, mine and theirs who need the bond and needed my guidance. I never thought that I'd be seen or had been saw as some kind of person to aspire too.

The fact is I was a role model and something different, a break from the norm, a window to a world they may or may not ever see.

It was in this revelation that I also figured out how I can break a cycle and win a war. If you remember snarky mofo reading this, when the Israelites got on Jah's nerves bitching about hardships of freedom and had no faith he decreed none of the adults save for Joshua and Caleb would see the promise land. To be concise Jah vowed that none over the age of 20 would see the promise land. These two facts have helped shape my new policy on my father's people.

First, as of this past weekend I no longer will hold any amenity to an entire group. To be exact like Jah, nobody under the age of 22, (as of his death) will be punished for the mistakes of the elders. I also believe at their age they lacked discernment and maturity to understand what was going on and to make decisions themselves. I also am not applied my beef to four of my cousins, Yogi, Shawn, Tanya, and Antonio who is locked up but managed to write my mother ever day. In terms of my aunts the two that paid her respect will also be forgiven.

Wow that is such a weight off of my chest.

I also realize the greatest insult in a sick way to them is to help the next generation be better. Help Queeny go away to school and escape the madness she wants to escape. I want Bre to be an honor roll student. I want them to be fine young men and women. Wouldn't it be ironic that the one person they cant stand is the one person who helps their children grown?

I want all of them, esp Queeny to grown into fine adults. I want the ignorance in that family to die.

I think its a win win.

This weekend I am going to go to lunch with Queeny. We're gonna sit down and discuss life, dating hopes and dreams.

Maybe helping her will prepare me for mine.

Maybe helping her will heal my heart. I don't know.

I do know is I'm sorry I made the youngins suffer. War clouds judgment.

Indeed it does.

I wonder if Queeny would like Chinese food?

Time to expand her world view

Straight, No Chaser
TLT
4-13-2009
11:30am